How Not to Be a Big Dumb Ox
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. -Proverbs 12:1
I don’t remember much about kindergarten. But one event stands out in my memory—the day I got my name written on the board. In grade school this was the chosen method of discipline. If a student was being disruptive, the teacher would expose their idiocy before the entire class. It’s like a verbal warning mixed with a flood of shame.
Getting check marks or double check marks casts you off from reasonable society forever. That was reserved for the kids who missed recess or had to spend some time with the principal. In grade school I was pretty well behaved. I rarely ventured into check mark territory. That was for the future serial killers and people who’d take a bite out of the sandwich you brought to work.
In kindergarten I got my name on the board only once. I was talking to the little girl next to me. I was probably wrapped up into some crazy discussion about baseball cards or the latest adventures of He-Man. (Back then I was too dense to know that Skeletor was the real hero). I never heard the warnings. But my attention was gathered when I saw the teacher etch a name on the chalk board.
I can still hear the screeching chalk scribbling that shame-inducing M, and then all hope was dashed when the “I” followed. I knew it wasn’t my buddy Matt taking the fall. This would be my name. M. I. K. E. Failure. Shameful. Shunned. Relegated to the outcasts of the society.
My entire life would fall apart from this moment. In my little mind I imagined coming home to disappointed parents. We’d have to move to a new community to get some distance from the scourge of my behavior. All was lost. I’d be smoking behind the garbage disposal in only a few weeks, probably doing those drugs that MacGruff the Crime Dog was warning me about.
I was reproved.
And I hated every moment of it.
Proverbs 12:1 says that if we “hate reproof” we are stupid. The word there for stupid is a word that is used only 5 times in the Old Testament. It’s usually in the context of a big dumb animal. A fitting translation might be, “if you hate being corrected, you’re a big dumb ox.” That doesn’t seem very kind. Nobody likes being corrected? Who welcomes reproof?
There are several reasons why we don’t like rebuke. For some, it’s not even the rebuke itself that we hate. We’re not bristling against someone correcting us, we’re bristling against the someone who is correcting us. A know-it-all, a pompous fool, or one who clearly doesn’t have our best interest in mind likely isn’t the type of “corrector” this proverb has in mind. That isn’t what is being rejected.
What is being rejected is the reproof of someone who loves us and has our best interest in mind. For some, we hate reproof because we fear it exposes a lack in us. We might be deeply insecure and afraid that this rebuke will open us up to even more shame. If we knew that we would be loved and accepted on the other end of the rebuke—we’d likely handle it better. Again, this isn’t really rejecting reproof. This has more to do with relational dynamics.
What this proverb has in mind is the one who pridefully shuns correction. We’re taught to feel embarrassed by our mistakes. We want to be seen as the smartest or most valuable person in the room. Our ego doesn’t allow us to admit that we might have made an error. In reality, our self-worth is wrapped up in our personal performance. We aren’t able to handle a critique because that would cause us to look at who we really are.
This proverb is telling us that if we take a stubborn position of pride, we’re acting brutish. We’re worse than a big dumb ox that has to be moved by pulling or prodding rather than moved by gentle instruction. Is that the path that you want for your life?
How do we change? How do we learn to embrace correction?
First and foremost, we must embrace the good news of the gospel. When our identity is wrapped up in Christ, we are in a much better position to receive correction. It isn’t shocking for us to hear that we are finite and sinful. It might be painful to hear that our folly, failures, and sinful action has consequence for another, but we are able to endure this and seek change. We know that we are deeply loved by Christ. And even if others ultimately reject us, we still have our identity firmly fixed in Him.
When we grasp the gospel, we’re also in a position to change how we view our mistakes, or even deep character flaws. We know that they do not get the last word. Jesus does. As such, we are empowered to pursue change. Reproof is just an opportunity for us to be better conformed into the image of Christ. It allows us to embrace our mistakes.